Belling the Cat

[fuckyeahloki]

[OOC: Continued from here

Hello, Bruce, did you miss me?

[He's manspreading on the nearest chair, appearing there only a second before in black roiling space and eldritch blue energy. With a neat little gesture, Loki tucked the Tesseract back into his pocket dimension. He looked no worse for wear after a rather extended meeting with the King of Asgard. Pleasant person, that Valkyrie. He rather owed Bruce for this particular blind introduction.]

Or do you prefer Brulk now? Hulce? We never did nail down those particulars and I would hate not to use your preferred manner of address.

[He's smiling with teeth as he moves onto the unpleasant part. Another flick of his wrist and there's the control device.]

I've brought you a gift. Do text my generous King, long may she reign, to let her know it arrived safely.

[And there's the smile turning into a baring of teeth, just the flash of a silent snarl before Loki just looks generally congenial again.]

Comments

[hulkbusted]

[The fuck you just say?]

And how are you paying for it?

[He's going to need that barrel of ale in a minute.]

[fuckyeahloki]

[You heard him.]

I took over their accounts, obviously.

[Still so blithe.]

[hulkbusted]

[Siiiiigh. He taps his phone and says:]

Call Val.

[fuckyeahloki]

I’m offended you trust my word when I admit to murder and at no other point.

[How absolutely rude..]

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce's phone, on the other hand, is starting to ring, having taken his voice command to call Val.

He hangs up and smirks at Loki.]

You were saying?

[fuckyeahloki]

If you keep calling her and hanging up, she’s going to assume I’m murdering you.

[Indignation. This is an utter lack of respect for what he is going through. Won’t someone think of the Loki.]

[hulkbusted]

She knows better.

[She helped train him, after all.]

[fuckyeahloki]

[He takes another long drink, then says conversationally-]

I never did say I was lying.

[And there’s a faint smirk turning up the corner of his mouth.]

[hulkbusted]

You're giving me your address anyway.

[And he'll be looking.]

[fuckyeahloki]

[There is a violent amount of disdain in his eyes and the upturned sneer of his mouth, but only for a moment as a pleasantly cordial expression smooths over any trace of his previous ire.]

As you say.

[hulkbusted]

[Whereas Bruce has settled into "don't like it? leave the planet" as a calming mindset.]

You signed the agreement. You're lucky none of us are trying to make your death stick this time.

[fuckyeahloki]

I will say, I am enjoying your new sense of moral flexibility.

[He sets the ale aside and laces his fingers demurely in his lap, the picture of harmless cooperation.]

[hulkbusted]

If you're counting on my friendship with Thor to save your face, I wouldn't.

[He leaves the room and comes back with a mug the size of a pony keg that he takes a swig from before setting it on the table and taking up his sweater repair again.]

In the future I want you to check in with me daily between the hours of 9:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. in whatever time zone is local to me at the time.

[He holds up a finger.]

Earth time zones according to the local populace.

[fuckyeahloki]

You’re getting very good at this.

[The efforts it takes to not let Loki wriggle his way into twisting the rules is always appreciated.]

I agree.

[Simple as that.]

[hulkbusted]

[Loki is probably the inspiration for a number of law-twisting tricksters in Earth mythology.]

If you decide your check-in should come while I'm in the shower, I'm not responsible for your eyes or imagination.

[fuckyeahloki]

As though my amusements would be so juvenile.

[ He’s more likely to pop up at moderately inconvenient times, such as the middle of Bruce superheroing, or holding a volatile chemical compound, or posing with childen.]

Though I would point out I am hardly omniscient. If I let myself in and you’re showering or mid-coitus, I will wait patiently until you are finished.

[hulkbusted]

If you feel like it, they will.

[If he pops up while Bruce is getting his Hulk on, Loki will be lucky not to be counted as one of his problems to smash.]

If you show up and I'm having sex, leave a note for your check-in and get out.

[Hey, there are Hulk groupies...]

[fuckyeahloki]

[ He simply spreads his hands toknowledge that’s probably true. ]

Mm. I’ll have to text the Valkyrie, in that case. Possibly take a picture as proof. Of my being here, not of your... attempts at murder by impalement. Assuming everything is... proportional.

[hulkbusted]

You can ask your brother, and no, you won't take pictures unless you want me to beat you to death with my proportionality.

[fuckyeahloki]

That was legitimately the most horrific threat I’ve ever received.

[Congratulations.]

And as close as you and the Odinson are- were- I’d rather have no details on that matter from anyone.

[hulkbusted]

Good. Let's not have to put it to the test.

[He's not going to disabuse Loki of the notion that he and Thor ever got that close, if only because it can itch at Loki's mind's eye if he thinks about it.]

What are you going to do when you aren't taking up space in my house?

[fuckyeahloki]

[He won’t think on it very hard. Though the anatomy of it...]

Taking up space elsewhere. Trying out new hobbies. Botany, perhaps. Mindfulness.

[There really is going to be a lot of time to fill. And you know what they say about idle hands.]

[hulkbusted]

[It’s challenging. Think about proportional output, too.]

Writing plays in your memory?

[Thor gets talky when drunk.]

[fuckyeahloki]

[That is delightfully awful. Thor never does anything by halves.]

A hobby of my future self? It has merit. So many things to tell, and all.

[ And no one to refute them.]

A firsthand experience or the maudlin recollections of the Odinson?

[hulkbusted]

And no one to say whether you’re lying?

[He has another swig of ale and sets his sweater aside, folding his arms over his chest.]

Friends are there when their friends are grieving the loss of their father, brother, homeworld, and half of what few Aesir were left.