Belling the Cat

[fuckyeahloki]

[OOC: Continued from here

Hello, Bruce, did you miss me?

[He's manspreading on the nearest chair, appearing there only a second before in black roiling space and eldritch blue energy. With a neat little gesture, Loki tucked the Tesseract back into his pocket dimension. He looked no worse for wear after a rather extended meeting with the King of Asgard. Pleasant person, that Valkyrie. He rather owed Bruce for this particular blind introduction.]

Or do you prefer Brulk now? Hulce? We never did nail down those particulars and I would hate not to use your preferred manner of address.

[He's smiling with teeth as he moves onto the unpleasant part. Another flick of his wrist and there's the control device.]

I've brought you a gift. Do text my generous King, long may she reign, to let her know it arrived safely.

[And there's the smile turning into a baring of teeth, just the flash of a silent snarl before Loki just looks generally congenial again.]

Comments

[hulkbusted]

[Yes, it says that Bruce mostly tries to be a decent hum— a decent person.

By the time Loki returns with his drink, Bruce has finished reading the contract and picked up his sweater and awl again. He really had been working on repairing it before, but now he’s using it to cover how furiously his mind is working on the problem of his being Loki’s fucking keeper.]

When we were on Sakaar, she beat the crap out of you and chained you up in her apartment. [He glances up and adds] And not in any way you found fun. So there might be a little history.

[fuckyeahloki]

[He just gives Bruce a sympathetic look.]

Are you sure it was a way I didn't find fun?

[Likely not, given his... reception.]

But you knew her from Sakaar. You and her, then Thor, my favorite sibling, and myself. You were there longer? Is that how this rational, shirt wearing version of yourself emerged?

[Not that he's complaining since he is not being intimately acquainted with Bruce's floor.

Keeper? Well. Loki prefers to think of this as a temporary amnesty that he can choose to break if something better arises.]

[hulkbusted]

The only thing I’m completely sure of with you is how little I trust you.

[But he’s reasonably sure that Loki didn’t like it all that much.]

She was there first, then me, then you, then Thor. I don’t know about most of your time there, but at least some of it was spent getting the codes to the Grandmaster’s orgy ship.

[Which... was a thing Bruce generally preferred not to dwell on. He occasionally still wants to wash his hands when he thinks of the Commodore.]

The rational, shirt-wearing man you see before you came about through my own work here on Earth.

Where are you staying?

[fuckyeahloki]

[That wounds him, Bruce. That does. Straight through the heart.]

Terrible start to a working relationship.

[He does smile faintly then, obviously he would identify the most high ranking person there and ... ingratiate himself to them. Have a little fun with the whole thing. Why not.]

That's awfully forward, don't you think? Especially for such a lack of trust.

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce is strong enough to bear the negligible weight of that guilt.]

The lack of trust is why I need to know where you're staying.

[fuckyeahloki]

New York.

[There are two reasons for evasiveness where Loki is concerned, one, he's just being an ass and drawing things out because he can. Or two, he probably did some low key act of villainy before their agreement was in place.

Loki really embodies that whole letter versus spirit of the law.]

[hulkbusted]

Address?

[He's definitely too focused at the moment for proper banter. Loki's just stuck with Business Hulk.]

And how are you paying for it?

[fuckyeahloki]

[Business Hulk is very low on Loki's amusement hierarchy of Banners.]

I murdered the previous owner and hid the body in a freezer.

[Said so blithely.]

[hulkbusted]

[The fuck you just say?]

And how are you paying for it?

[He's going to need that barrel of ale in a minute.]

[fuckyeahloki]

[You heard him.]

I took over their accounts, obviously.

[Still so blithe.]

[hulkbusted]

[Siiiiigh. He taps his phone and says:]

Call Val.

[fuckyeahloki]

I’m offended you trust my word when I admit to murder and at no other point.

[How absolutely rude..]

[hulkbusted]

[Bruce's phone, on the other hand, is starting to ring, having taken his voice command to call Val.

He hangs up and smirks at Loki.]

You were saying?

[fuckyeahloki]

If you keep calling her and hanging up, she’s going to assume I’m murdering you.

[Indignation. This is an utter lack of respect for what he is going through. Won’t someone think of the Loki.]

[hulkbusted]

She knows better.

[She helped train him, after all.]

[fuckyeahloki]

[He takes another long drink, then says conversationally-]

I never did say I was lying.

[And there’s a faint smirk turning up the corner of his mouth.]

[hulkbusted]

You're giving me your address anyway.

[And he'll be looking.]

[fuckyeahloki]

[There is a violent amount of disdain in his eyes and the upturned sneer of his mouth, but only for a moment as a pleasantly cordial expression smooths over any trace of his previous ire.]

As you say.

[hulkbusted]

[Whereas Bruce has settled into "don't like it? leave the planet" as a calming mindset.]

You signed the agreement. You're lucky none of us are trying to make your death stick this time.

[fuckyeahloki]

I will say, I am enjoying your new sense of moral flexibility.

[He sets the ale aside and laces his fingers demurely in his lap, the picture of harmless cooperation.]

[hulkbusted]

If you're counting on my friendship with Thor to save your face, I wouldn't.

[He leaves the room and comes back with a mug the size of a pony keg that he takes a swig from before setting it on the table and taking up his sweater repair again.]

In the future I want you to check in with me daily between the hours of 9:00 a.m. and 7:00 p.m. in whatever time zone is local to me at the time.

[He holds up a finger.]

Earth time zones according to the local populace.

[fuckyeahloki]

You’re getting very good at this.

[The efforts it takes to not let Loki wriggle his way into twisting the rules is always appreciated.]

I agree.

[Simple as that.]

[hulkbusted]

[Loki is probably the inspiration for a number of law-twisting tricksters in Earth mythology.]

If you decide your check-in should come while I'm in the shower, I'm not responsible for your eyes or imagination.

[fuckyeahloki]

As though my amusements would be so juvenile.

[ He’s more likely to pop up at moderately inconvenient times, such as the middle of Bruce superheroing, or holding a volatile chemical compound, or posing with childen.]

Though I would point out I am hardly omniscient. If I let myself in and you’re showering or mid-coitus, I will wait patiently until you are finished.

[hulkbusted]

If you feel like it, they will.

[If he pops up while Bruce is getting his Hulk on, Loki will be lucky not to be counted as one of his problems to smash.]

If you show up and I'm having sex, leave a note for your check-in and get out.

[Hey, there are Hulk groupies...]